


As You Were

by nagi_schwarz



Series: Number The Stars [18]
Category: Numb3rs, Stargate Atlantis, Thoughtcrimes (2003)
Genre: AU, Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 12:23:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6519172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the comment_fic prompt: <i>Thoughtcrimes/Stargate Atlantis/any, Brendan Dean!John Sheppard + Freya McAllister, he knows how to block, so why doesn't he bother most of the time?</i> - Elizabeth asks Brendan!John to explain why</p>
            </blockquote>





	As You Were

“I’ve noticed something, Major.”  
  
Brendan lifted his head, surprised. Elizabeth rarely called him anything but John when it was just the two of them.  
  
“Noticed what?” He kept his voice light, concentrated on disassembling his gun for cleaning (he could put it together blind, but keeping the thing in working order was paramount over spy tricks).  
  
“I’ve talked to Amita about her gift some,” Elizabeth said. She sat beside him at the little table he’d set up on the balcony. It was a sunny day, his designated Sunday, and he wanted to enjoy the warmth and fresh air and distinct lack of Wraith or angry Pegasus natives shooting at him. “She says it works two-fold, that she can shut out other people’s minds, and that people can block their thoughts for her so she’s not distracted by them. Obviously no one on the expedition blocks their thoughts except you and sometimes me, because I’m still learning how. Except you don’t really block your thoughts often, do you?”  
  
“What makes you say that?”  
  
“You and Amita have a strong bond, a deep friendship, so it’s not unexpected that you can often communicate without words. But sometimes I notice her twitch or smile in response to something that no one else senses. And usually it has to do with you, especially during boring meetings, but sometimes not. I’ve read your file. I’m sure that your border between deference and insubordination is your lips, that you rarely say what you think because you know it’ll get you into trouble. But Amita always knows what you think.”  
  
“I don’t push past her shields ever. Unless it’s an emergency. And it’s never come to that,” Brendan said. Elizabeth was damn smart, and observant to boot. He couldn’t risk getting too careless even though he and Freya were both far away from home and the strictures of the NSA and FBI and USAF and SGC and everyone else who had a piece of them. “But she likes to keep tabs on me, and I let her.”  
  
“Why does she like to keep tabs on you?”  
  
Brendan flicked a glance at her. “You read my file, didn’t you?”  
  
“I don’t think your black mark was warranted. You were trying to save Amita and three fellow soldiers.” Elizabeth’s expression was sympathetic.  
  
Correction: Brendan was trying to save Freya, and Mitch, Dex, and Holland followed him, and they lost their lives, and the Air Force almost lost him, because he got Freya onto the rescue chopper but the locals got him and he still doesn’t really remember those three days in their hands, just remembers waking in the base infirmary with Freya clutching his hand and whispering _talk to me_ over and over again.  
  
And the first words in his mind were, _You shouldn’t have been here, shouldn’t have had to see any of this,_ and then she was screaming for the doctor and some airmen took her away and once he could sit up he was in interrogation with MPs and JAG officers for three days, and he knew Freya was on the other side of the mirror and he had to shut his thoughts down so he could get through this, so she wouldn’t see, wouldn’t know how much the thought of losing her had totally ruined him.  
  
Once he’d been released from interrogation and the USAF and NSA had gone to battle, Freya had been allowed to visit him. She’d flung her arms around him, unaware of his busted ribs, and whispered,  
  
“Don’t do that. Don’t ever do that again. Don’t shut me out.”  
  
And so he didn’t. Truth was, he’d learned to filter. Let her hear his surface thoughts, his random thoughts, not the deeper things - like how he didn’t really regret things not working out with June - unless it was necessary. He sang and joked and rambled just for her, so she could know he was alive.

He hadn’t told her, but with the way Atlantis sang in his blood, he could feel her, too. Knew when she was reaching out and catching his stray thoughts, checking on him. So he kept flinging his thoughts out there, because as long as he could feel her checking on him, he knew she was okay, too.

“Did it mention the part where I was kidnapped for a few days after Amita was rescued?” Brendan always made sure to lay out the parts of his gun in the order in which he removed them, so when it came time to reassemble, nothing was missed.

Elizabeth blinked. “No, it didn’t.”

Of course it hadn’t. The government had done some incredibly shady things, cut deals with highly unsavory people, to get him back, because Freya was their pet telepath, and their pet telepath needed her pet footsoldier.

“Well, Amita didn’t take it very well. She likes knowing I’m around.”

“I thought she needed to be able to see you to hear you.”

“Generally that is how it works, yes. Well, that’s not how it works. That’s just a method she has at her disposal to focus her gift. Distance is no object. After all, she can see someone on a television screen who’s hundreds of miles away and know what they’re thinking. We’ve been working together long enough that she doesn’t have to see me, if she doesn’t want to. Seeing me is easier, which is why she always hacks into the security feed wherever we are, but.” Brendan shrugged. “There you go.”

“Are you in love with her?” Elizabeth asked. “Will you compromise your command for her?”

Brendan glanced at her. She’d seen his record. His record was nonsense. “No, I’m not in love with her.” He did love her, though. What he felt for Freya McAllister was beyond the bonds of romance, friendship, or even familial love. He couldn’t explain it, but it was there, and he would die for her. “And I’m a trained Air Force Officer. I obey orders. And I leave no one behind.”

Elizabeth’s gaze darkened. No doubt she was remembering what had happened with Sumner in their first hours in Pegasus.

“Thank you, John.” Elizabeth stood up. “As you were.”

He flashed her a brief grin and continued cleaning his gun. He hummed to himself, a Johnny Cash song, and he felt, in his blood, a brief musical note from Atlantis. Freya was checking on him.

He smiled.


End file.
